• JP Epperson

I am NOT a bitch...or maybe I am?

BITCH is a word that I am all too familiar with. I cannot tell you how many times I have been called a bitch. Or how many times I've heard it as I left a room. Or how many times it was whispered as I walked by...women are brutal, men too, but usually it’s the women that are first to call another woman a bitch. Sometimes I even deserve it...

Am I a bitch? Truth--I guess I could see how people think that. I walk into a room, lips pursed, barely a hint of a smile. I'm well mannered, polite. Though, I keep to myself. I greet those I come into contact with-- say "hello, how are you?" but I make no attempt at small talk. I don't coo at your baby or remark about the weather. I don't try to show you photos of my children or follow you on social media.

I can be judgmental. I can be crass--who am I kidding I can be a full-on asshole. I don't mean to be but I am. I put on a show, like I'm hard. Like nothing anyone says or does affects me...but it does. I never talk about my issues but I listen yours. I don't participate in sharing sob stories and you think that's it because I think I'm perfect. I'm not and I know it--I just don't want to be seen as weak. So, I walk around like I have no emotions, like I'm a robot. I hold my head high and pretend that I'm a bitch and I know it and you can't hurt me.

It's all a lie. I'm quiet. I'm reserved. I listen but rarely contribute but I have an opinion about everything. I'm a loner. I prefer characters in books or video games to people. What can I say? I'm socially awkward like that--but you don't know that about me. I always have been. My less than friendly demeanor isn't always accepted. I am only comfortable with family and my very few close friends.

The truth is I just don't know how to be any other way. It's easy for most people to walk around and be friendly. To smile and fake small talk. It's not for me. I don't know how to be like you. This is who I am...

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